If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
