State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
