I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
