I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
