He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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