Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
