Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
