You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize