I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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