I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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