one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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