Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
