Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize