you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
