I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize