I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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