If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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