I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize