This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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