You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
His nipple licking is glorious
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