I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
that may or may not have been my penis.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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