I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..