Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
