singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
