girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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