got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
