Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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