I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
