This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
