even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You're like the curious george of whores
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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