i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
