I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
