glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
