Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm getting married
To pizza
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize