It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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