too bad you live with your parents still
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
