can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
