How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
