Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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