remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
