i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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