saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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