STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
