I think I am morally bankrupt
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
