she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
