My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
