my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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