I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
