to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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