We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
