Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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