clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
