i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
