You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
