Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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