It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
