Already got asked if we're dating
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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