A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
