i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
