Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
