Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
