some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
