Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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