John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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