i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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