THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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