oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.