I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We have started to decorate penises.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.