I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line