how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
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Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!