This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
