I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
operation have a gay friend backfired
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex